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  • Writer's picturedeborahpenny

How to be you

I frequently ask myself and others, “Are you living what you value and believe in?” Living this way can give a sense of completeness and can create a real and integrated you. Carl Rogers, a renowned American psychologist, one of the fathers of psychotherapy, termed this "congruence", which is when your thoughts, feelings and behaviour all send out the same message and are in agreement with one another. If you know your values and do not act and live according to them, this is termed “incongruence”. Living in an incongruent state could be a likened to "living behind a mask". Others may not ever get to see who you really are and you too could become lost in who you are not. Knowing our values and acting in accordance with them equals true congruence; which can bring about more contentment and happiness in our life. True congruence is usually achieved through much self reflection and life experiences, and others can guide and support you to achieve this.

What would it be like if you could intuitively know when something is right for you? What doors might this open and what doors might this close and how else might this improve your life now and into the future? Might the open doors bring about new or revised ways of thinking and being that enable you to feel as if you really are being true to yourself? “Heart felt”. Can you imagine how that might be? Might those closed doors bring comfort and satisfaction in their finality, an end to an era or stage in one’s life, that may enable one to move on to the next chapter?

In our busy lives how many of us take time to make the right decisions and set goals that we really want to achieve and can achieve? How important is this to us? Should it be more important? What might it be like if you were to set this as your highest priority? What could it lead to?

So why not take a short break, a few moments to allow yourself to be who you want to be and achieve what it is you truly want to achieve? Try closing your eyes and imagining this now, what do you notice, what do you see, hear or feel, adjust your thoughts and imaginations until what you sense is just right. Hold that thought for a moment and ask yourself, would this make me happy? Would that lead me to contentment? Would that be me?

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